It has happened almost too many times to be able to ignore, although I pretend to ignore at the first mention of it I made a note.
I, in all things, seek, or take great pride in not being discernable. An actual thought in college in choir rehersal one day when my professor said, "the worst comment someone could make after a performance is 'I could hear you'." My thoughts were, "yes! This is where I belong! Where not standing out is commendable."
Quite a few times, I have explained a thing to the best of my ability to recieve the comment that I was so completely scatterbrained that I made no sense. This bothered me, and I wanted to correct and edit so that I would be using language as a means to communicate not alienate. However, my thoughts were that there will always be someone who doesn't grasp what I mean, and I must just learn to accept that and deal with it, but it was noted. Then, the whole situation reoccurred, and has with enough frequency that I mentally raise a red flag. I am not communicating with my peers, which means I am standing out. Eeek!
Likewise, another lighthearted comment was made about how I percieve things differently. Being noticed as obviously different was huge, regardless of it was merely one of those, grasping to say something compliments like, "Your teeth look very nice in your mouth." It was like being told YOU sounded nice after a choir concert. One should be pleased, right? Well, it was like a grain of sand in an oyster shell.
Given enough time, I notice a trend. I have even asked close friends if I was seen as "that crazy lady". The beauty of being a local crazy lady is that you do not even notice that you are crazy. And, so, I thought, since I think this makes sense, but it doesn't, maybe I think I blend in, but I stick out.
Am I that villiage crazy lady? Would anyone say so, if I was? Could I be if I was aware? Probably not, cause I would avoid doing anything that stood out...
I am having another thought that requires stage front and center...that was mostly what I intended in the first place, anyway.
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