so, sorry!

It started as I tried to figured out the something more to the story about Henry VIII and figured there is more to believing whole-heartedly that you are born as you are by divine providence. Just consider how that would effect your actions, and understanding of an heir. So often, we ascribe our personal way of thinking about things to those we are thinking about. The more I wondered about what he was thinking the closer I came to misunderstanding God properly. My old Algebra teacher, Mr. Vebe would be proud. He always wished, sincerely, that I would grow up to be very ignorant, instead of just a know-it-all. I simply believed purpose and life and stuff was just a time to struggle through maturing, by having the freedom to chose, and loss was just a part of it. I had created some really cool stories, too. The stories explained ideas that I didn't understand in ways I did...but, today I realized to understand parts of the truth had to be left out, like a kid reaches a point where they cannot do everything. So, something has to be sacrificed so they can do something else. In my simple way, I realize the great sacrifice made to get my opportunity, but does that mean that my opportunity is a sacrifice?

Ok, I just decided not to say this on Facebook, so I do not need to be so enigmatic.

I had this big delusion of grandeur,  but such a delusion kept me from appreciating how awesome it is to realize you are a true Child of God. With that, I felt bad for Heavenly Father giving up so much, like 1/3 of his Children. Until I realized that though we might not be aware (ignorance is bliss) it is very likely that we also lost loved ones. But, my final thought crushed my heart until I started to comprehend my patriarchal blessing in a new light. I understood things with a meaning the words alone never gave me, although I memorized them.

But, hold on, What did I realize that crushed my heart. I never did say. I realized that in Lehi's vision, and throughout scripture, those who had tasted the fruit became ashamed... or, in other words, the very elect fell prey to worldly ridicule. THIS was what our freedom cost. 

I feel like I know things that no one ever told me, they just are. It is as if gravity had not been discovered, I would still intuitively know and expect it to work.

This gets deep, stop reading unless you can get it, no hand holding provided beyond this sentence.

I lived before I was born into this world.

Oðinn had AI ravens.

I had a family that I loved and wanted to be with forever, and this is my chance.

I am reassured opportunity to accomplish anything which had been understood in a self-help sorta way, ya know, never give up on your dreams

If we have prophets and visions, then things are expected to happen a certain way, maybe they could happen another way, hence it is important to have an eternal perspective.

Gravity is justice.

who am I

I learned ways of dealing with who I could not control. Like Acne, or being flat-chested, at the time they seemed so important, but I have been told, thus reassured, that I am understood and would be loved entirely. People get larger as they grow, and I no longer find myself appealing, but I can deal with that. What matters is my health and ability to do things, but I am flatly told that I will have the means to accomplish the desires of my heart. The days of comparing myself to Beethoven are over. I will succeed in any righteous pursuit. I simply have to accept that I ought not pursue music so vehemently.  Wait, this is a record of accepting who I am and believing that I can and will be loved and able to achieve anything I must even if I gain a few lbs or loose an ideal figure. 

I really worry about people who cannot achieve beauty even by loosing a few lbs. I think maybe it doesn't matter in that way. I always think that we came to get our bodies so that we could have this physical form. There was an episode in Stargate Atlantis, where a group of entities Ascended and no longer had physical form. They were, and they wanted bodies soooooo badly to interact, and so they came to Arlantis to create bodies for a place for them to go. 

If the body is a container, then it is the purpose, that body can serve a purpose in fashion or not. I don't think fashion really matters. Women are attractive so attract mates, who work hard to provide. 

Anyway, I was thinking 🤔  Maybe, *I* not only knew, but selected this body to become part of my existence.  So, I need to love ❤️  it and have faith that if I needed to be attractive to achieve my intentions then God would help me do so. He has promised to hear and answer my prayers. Either I believe that or I don't.

It is also nice to consider that people that I find to be beautiful do not look alike at all.

another species?

I might be going crazy, because my first answer to myself regarding the unique way my body uses energy was, well, everything according to the standard human Genome mapping has been incorrect, and we assumed that it was due to all the standard reasons, and again have landed on the supposition that my DNA sample was some how tampered with or contaminated, but maybe it is because it is not human, as in Neatheral or Denisovian (not alien). If I was another species, very much like a homosapien, it could be merely minor places in the code could be responsible for different things. I do not actually believe that, but it is a possible solution.