Maybe even mentally impaired

It is very shortsighted for any girl to choose someone who cannot take her to the temple

-Harold B. Lee
https://www.lds.org/ensign/1979/10/the-importance-of-celestial-marriage?lang=eng

My mind was not to be convinced

Honestly, I do not know where I was going with this, but I assume it was a proud declaration of maturity that I have discovered in making up my mind and how to do it.

First off, I always refrained from judgement, because it seemed unkind or too hasty, but I see how growing up has happened to me physically, so I must close my mind and say "time to change is up".

It feels unchristlike, but really it has brought me so much pain and heart ache I would much rather make a choice and be wrong and repent that wait to make an ideal choice.

Actually, eternal happiness depends on it. It is the crux of all that is my responsibility. It is agency. If Eve had been like me, none of us would even be here, and she would forever be flip flopping seeing the good in either choice. *ALERT* There is always a good side to see or there would never be wars, but there are wars.

People say they can change and they can, but there is something to change from. The atonement can make men better I have no doubt of that. So, I now see that every person, eternally, has the potential to be perfect, duh. Why endure things that need not be endured because of potential?

Often, I am warned to see things eternally, which is nearly impossible in this life. We did have a previous existance and it is safe to conclude that the third of our Heavenly Father's children who did not make the correct choice initially, had the potential to be marvelous, and even Satan himself would have seemed to be such a promising pupil, so we are not even expected to delay judgement concerning some things, clearly, an adversary was needed, and if God sudpended his judgement because of what could be if one waited long enough, meaning waited for potential, all would have been lost.

I loved my first husband dearly, and could never have forseen his reaction to caring for me in my time of need. But, God sees things withoit time, and really, I was fortunate to see part of his carachter before anything terrible of eternal consequence happened to me. I was instead sort of given a chance to see the error of my choice, because I made one.

I am getting off track again...

The point is that I am so wishy washy because I am afraid to say "not good enough" when why the heck shouldn't I?  Just because I realize a thing isn't good enough for me does not mean they are deemed not good enough in general. It only means that I have a goal and am figuring out what I need to reach it.