explination

Let me explain why I write so much. It is to fill my need to speak out, which is not being met anywhere else in my life. I disapprove of this. It is something teenagers do when they go through that "I am a lone island" thing, they hope, like ocean fishing, that if they put out the bait they hope they will find comonality somewhere. I read a preface to a C.S.Lewis book, but it didn't fully sink in until now. No matter what you say someone will say that they think the exact same thing.

I believed everything I read, again. Stupid, I'm so stoooopid! just let me play the wheel o fish! I did most of the talking and because I recieved affirmative response I thought others thought the same thing and understood what I was saying.

What more can I say? Please, don't shed a tear for that poor little grape that will never see his home or family again. He *wants* to be squeezed to death and be fermented and then drank by someone as an accessory to your dinner.

New Era?

I think this is the beginning of a new era. Ok, that was cheesy, and the name of a magazine, but I swear that was a coincidence. I was just trying to think of the word to apply for the way I feel about this. I don't care about getting to a particular point or even where I am going. I just feel like the moment itself will be of such perfection that I would use the moment to define all time before or hereafter.

In church a lady told about her struggles and how she and her family were without a home, but she had the faith to believe that if Heavenly father wanted her here (in Layton, in this case) then he would take care of arranging a home. She didn't need the details. And those are the kind of people that I associate with. cool, huh?

I no longer worry about if I am pretty enough or smart enough or all around good enough. I'll just asume that I'm not, but regardless I will be loved for being who I am, and that will not make me complaceant, like it seems. It will drive me on to want to be all that I can be... la la la in the army. No, but I bet that's what you were thinking, too.

The song I want to write is about sex, but not the stuff others try to sell. I think alot of that stuff is really just reguritated smut. I mean, yeah I even previously learned that the act of having sexual intercourse is meaningless and practically pointless, like taking recreational drugs. So we have children to give our actions purpose, I want to write about the thing Seely Booth was referring to in the TV program "Bones". I am facinated by two people trying to occupy the same space kinda thing. Lacy liked a song biological and I figured it would be the case because she represents the science side of everything, My own upbringing is a religious one, but I think there is a place where they both meet and agree perfectly.

I have been such a place as I fought so ferverently inside. My battle was waged between my heart (how I felt or religion) and it's beliefs and my mind (how I thought or science) and it's beliefs. Finally, I have peace so I know there must be a way for the two to find a common ground. A reasonable religion or a moral science, maybe?

impossible

supposedly nothing is impossible, but how could there be anything equal let alone better than what I had. I settled for different, but I'm miserable.