New Hypothesis

 Just had this thought: When I fast, I lose weight, and if it is weight loss that I seek, there must be a way I can get it without the damage of starvation and malnutrition. I could scientifically figure out what is causing my weight to jump up so much, by testing just one thing, until I discover if anything could be eaten without weight gain. I suppose the end I will be able to know that my weight gain is not at all related to diabetes or anything unhealthy, in fact, in the hospital years ago, I could not be discharged until my body proved it could gain weight because that was a sign of health. but all of these stupid apps and websites tell me that I am killing myself by being so overweight. As if all women didn't already feel insecure about their weight, being told constantly that I am unhealthy makes me feel like a slothful and unwise steward of this body, so i did what they suggested to perfection, but I am still overweight and getting worse. so, I need to step in and put my foot down. This has got to stop! I already discovered many of my "connected devices" were giving me false information, big surprise there!! It gave me a pulse that was off by over 50 bpm and also gave high blood pressure warnings, so I had several double checks and it is actually on the far lower side, same with my water percentage it read low, so I drank and drank for weeks, but then stopped and it went up. I found that it had been calculated from other factors.... just like BMI was calculated based on what is typical for others. I do not believe I am actually over weight. If anything I am on the small side. even at the temple, the workers gave me a size large because I was so tall, but I could fit about three of me in the jumper, it was falling off of me

So, I will start after Friday's Pizza, so I can get an accurate result.

I bet this is similar to how low carb diets were discovered, and it actually can reverse a sort of diabetes.

morning thought

It is wrong to assume that everyone who is trying to loose weight through regular fitness is overweight. That is what caused me to become overweight...chasing regulations and rules to a t, and when what others claimed worked for them failed for me, I looked for some other rule to live by, so I have stopped it for good, and will simply age by following the growth cycle I was intended for. Weight is most surely NOT the standard to follow and track for growth... sorta comically obvious, huh?

more time

I decided to focus more on self improvement than fitness. And so, I realized how weak I was becoming because I was relying on timers and diets and plans and I was hyper focusing on doing them exactly. I know what my Brother said about exact obedience, and I believe that 100%. But, doing 100% the wrong thing will not produce the right effect. No matter how carefully you adhere to all of the planting instructions of a seed, if you plant the wrong seed it will not magically become the one you meticulously prepared and hoped for. I stopped counting steps even for money because that felt like putting trust in the arm of flesh, when in every single need I ever had... God was there and he always has my back, and I do believe that. Unlike David, I will noy be slaying any giants, or crossing the red sea like Moses, but I'll get there. " The first step to avoid a trap is knowing if it's existence."(from the movie Dune). And I was ensnared by the health and fitness allure. It is always a good thing that traps ya. It is the part that you kniw cannot be a trap and it isn't, it is true, but it is mingled with false bits. 

I was having a moment of reflection regarding fasting. I still struggle with it, although I know it is meant to weaken me, it gives me what I want...but, perhaps the opportunity cost is too high.

I want to rest now, before the kids come home and I need to work on being selfless a bit more and will get plenty of opportunity.

I am setting tons of little habit focused goals to slowly convert me into a much more outward focused person.