Ups and downs

So, sometimes, I feel like I am headed upward or am at an apex, then I feel like I am plumetting or at an all-time low. This is normal, or usual, but I do not want to feel like I am justifying any behaviors because they simply are. I feel negative because I am failing to do as I feel like I should...another positive is sure to come where I realize that I was not doing as poorly as I imagined, yet, I could not ever feel depressed or discouraged if I did not have room for improvement.

This wishy washy tendency is cyclical, I have noticed, and duration of low is up to me just as expectations were, too.

I nudged my son today when the primary president told the kids how important it is to have quiet times to ponder things. THIS IS A WOMAN CALLED BY GOD TO INSTRUCT US and she sees that as important, and I agree. My kids chose a "quiet place" today, telling me it is important, uh, like I did not already have a quiet place. I explained that was why I het so angry when they interrupt my bathroom time cause the bathroom is my quiet place. The other is the temple. With the temples so close, I can go weekly to erase the world from my thoughts and refocus on what truly matters to me.
It is sad, but I question the things I think matter to me even though they are completely the conviction of my heart right now. I tell myself, "See if you still feel that way after some time spent in the temple." Today, an awesome thing was taught about service when we feel "down". We will never regret serving others! It will raise us to a high as well, so when we feel in the dumps start looking for a way to serve. I think that is another benefit to regular temple attendance, not only is it a quiet place, but it gives a rare opportunity for us to serve others in a dedperately needed way to genuinely become a hero in doing for others that which they could not do for themselves. In fact, just tonight, the prophet was reminding the youth of a duty to gather all Israel, and instantly, I thought of how I could help by searching out and performing ordinances in the temple,  not everyone can do it, but as I have the opportunity, I ought not waste it.

We tend to think of things in terms of consequences, and as such I know that there is a blessing directly ascribed to temple service, and I hope such blessings extend to those living. I really do not know what relationship I have, but I feel a serious obligation to love certain people. Is this natural and to be overcome or part or the covenant/promise keeping me? Still, I always think regardless what I may accomplish if I fail in this one regard, then my eternal being is at stake, though my obligation is not clear and likely not as one might assume... I am getting cryptic, like I always do when I try to speak of things without saying what they are.  I ought to close this entry and continue my thoughts in quiet reverie, I just tend to think better when I am typing it out and trying to communicate the feelings into words, whoch if they were for myself alone, I wouldn't bother doing. But, I have been asked to record things like this for some reason... so, I try.