This is very strange

I hear so much about following your heart, but I can actually explain reasonably what that means or "feels" like right now.

There are things that I love and the same things just "feel" wrong when someone else loves them, too. It seems extremely wrong, like that Vertical Horizon song about "Everything You Want" "He says exactly the right thing, at exactly the right time and he means nothings to you and you don't know why." Another lyric that bewildered me is from a familiar song sung by Jewel it says, "I saw a movie it just wasn't the same. It was happy or I was sad...made me miss you oh so bad..."

Really, reasonably, they are the,very things I love and my mind tells me that the pieces fit, and I ought to just decide to feel happy and take things as they are and make everyone happy, AHEM! I would not be happy, but If I am in charge, then it is just a,matter of making myself happy with what is like other lyrics, " first, you take the things you love and then love the things you took."

But, a good friend simply warned me at exactly the moment needed that Perhaps uneasiness is a warning and I should listen to things even when I do not understand them. And this is such a recurring feeling...Something is not acceptable. But, that is just a feeling, my thoughts are that I am in charge and I can decide to just deal with that one single objection... but, now I fear it will ruin everuthing else I love, (without thought).

Next, Jane Eyre comes to mind. Whem Jane decides to run away from Rochester, and I got so angry that woth everything so perfect, just deal with it, and do not throw it away. He professes his love and is ot nit what she wants? Reminds me of "Anne of Avonlea" when she doesn't just marry the Harris dude I get so upset. Anyhow, Jane says that it is because it is soo close to being real love that she must run away because something is not right and she doesn't want to see it twist and deform over time into something disgusting... another lyric "we started something so fine and rare now we're stuck in neutral we're going nowhere..."

I think the largest leaps or the largest risks lead to the greatest rewards, although that does not mean all leaps and risks gain any reward, but in order to deserve any reward a risk must be taken. I imagine an image of a loved one dangling over a cliff only holding on to your grip, and you can choose to hang on and maybe save the life, maybe loose yours, or you can feel their's loosening and let it... but, it is merely nature or reflexive to want to save at all cost!