I am slowly realizing that quantifying everything is not healthy. I remember when I was watching "A Beautiful Mind" I kept thinking how brilliant the notion was that John Nash could form a algorithm for practically anything. Now, I am realizing, not everything ought to be quantified and analyzed. What so often seemed like brilliance to me was a neat physical trick is all. This very morning as I was reading the words of Jacob from the book of Mormon, I was struck by how many things he understood, and how it would take me so extremely long to grasp so much of what he said.... oh yeah, it was probably because he didn't have a cellphone. Oh heck, I am sure there was something back there. There always is. Knowledge of truth does not come by thinking about it. Sensible. Likewise, though I really enjoy trying to find the reasonability of things. Ultimately, if I want to actually know something it is not going to be through reasoning. It reminds me of how AI can process so much faster and accurately that we do, but they cannot seem to grasp context or perform creative tasks that are judged by a different standard. Blah, blah, blah, my realization is that I was becoming weaker and weaker through my dependence on apps and tools to compensate for what I couldn't do easily. But, like lifting weights, growth comes from doing hard things. so, I deleted all of my calorie tracker and step counters. I do not need to measure them to feel healthy. And that was my take away this morning.
Plus, they are all too often wrong, when measured by the same measurements they measure... and I am tired of being confused why side of an equation do not equal.
It has taken considerable effort to reach this point. I feel like I would be so much happier if I could understand that the standard I use to measure my body image is terribly off, as well. I do not believe that achieving my desired physique with bring my any lasting happiness. It might actually, in the name of fitness, do me harm. But, I am not to the point where I can accept that, yet. So, until then I will continue losing weight and following my own working plan to achieve that.
Just thought this, If I prayed I could either feel my burden less, or be blessed with necessary insight.
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