bad advice

In my hubris of youth I was given the advice to never bring up my ex-husband, and I failed and thought it was good advice although initially I thought it bad, I figured that was just my "know-it-all" self talking.

However, as I have had time to consider all of my regrets, this was not one of them, this was a guilt that I carried for years believing that I had disobeyed good advice. But, now that I am sufficiently humbled I see that it is never good to hide the truth and that frankly was bad advice.

My husband purposefully never talks about his former spouse and that hurts me alot. A spouse is not an old flame, or crush or something. If you marry someone they are chosen family and never referring to them is refusing to mention a significant part of yourself. Often, I would assume he was secretly still in love with her, or when he listened to certain songs or lingered in memories of the past it was her he was thinking of, though when accused he denied it, the fact that he would keep it a secret anyway bothered me. And I realize now that such advice would be appropriate for dating, but not marriage. What you never speak of is a secret and secrets ought not exist in a marriage.

To this day, I still wonder whenever he is quiet if it is because he is thinking about her.

My first husband had previously been married, but we had never been given such advice. He talked freely about her or about any communication with her, and I felt like that was healthy. It would be wrong to feel threatened in a marriage by a failed marriage.

Or, so it would seem to me now, I may yet realize a wisdom in it, in the future, but for now, I will not feel guilt over failing to heed stupid advice.

maybe

I have a reoccurring thought that the reason I failed is a time old version of what was warned even in the Bible. We need to surround ourselves with like-minded or at least like-intended individuals and pretty much all of my repeats and failures are not due to the incorrect desire of my heart, or even a lack of faith, but a lack of support.

An analogy would be someone wants an Xbox, but their parents say no. Ok. Simple, save up and get it on your own, or re organize that it must be wrong to want something they could not have.

just a quick flash of a thought

I needed to record this for the purpose of providing a history of my studies.

I always thought that my grandmother plans to become fit failed because I still gained weight, but it just occurred to me that I was not doing enough to counteract all of the weight gain, but it did all work, and I could have potentially gained so much more weight. As it is, I am only upset that I am normal and no longer underweight. I truly should be happy. In my 20's I weighed 140lbs, so if in my 50's I weigh 160, that is not terrible or a losing situation. Likely, I ought to be glad I  exercised so much, and if I truly watched the data I would see the good that all my effort was producing. It was what I was supposing should happened that meant failure, what actually happened was not a failure.

notes

Ask AI questions, sure but get answers only. We get and need revelation which comes from God.

Let technology support, not suplant revelation.

Do not be naive and gullible, but  consult wisdom previously obtained to be the decider of your fate.

Anchor choices in doctrine! And use multiple witnesses before deciding on truth.