It is what they call an ear worm the one part of a song by paramore called Misery Business.
I started playing in my head like all infectious songs, as a joke or something I was initially laughing at, but it is sort of like we cry when we are happy, maybe laughing is my inappropriate emotion. I was laughing because Brandall wrote me a letter saying that our marriage was still salvageable but I needed to be upfront with him and maybe tell him things. Laughter is because the thing he wanted me to share with him was my supposed repressed fantasies. "...wildest dreams come true not one of them involving you..." I did not tell him because the only thing that held me back at all from realizing any dreams was him, but if it was only a,matter of communicating a thing and saving my marriage, I would have just made something up, normally, I can and do.
Then I remember Nick commenting that it was likely the same wedge between us as was what ruined my first attempted marriage. I thought again that sounded preposterous. There are absolutely no commonalplities, except for the thing that is not funny, but I laugh about it. My realities have no potential of reaching what I need.
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