Say it out loud

I am strangely being transformed from one who spoke their mind to one who opts to write out their thoughts. Why is that?

My guess is that it has to do with my audience or my ability. I honestly cannot speak as well, and though it ought not determine or keep me from saying what is best, the difficulty and the corseness of my speech causes me to turn elsewhere like a horse with blinders. I was respected for my ability. I think of the saying that it is better to remain silent than to speak and remove all doubt. I would rather be remembered as a respected orator. Now, I find refuge for the thoughts that boil over, in writing them down. And, who I am speaking to has changed from an endo dynamic to a exo one. What the heck does that mean?

I used to say things intended to benefit and buoy those who already believed as I do. But, now more of what I have to say is intended for the global population. I tried Youtube, but again, my days of public speaking are passed. I will join Moses on the bench and say, "I cannot speak." When clearly I can, but I do not want it to distract from what I have to say.

It will be the greatest challenge ever, to me, to stand up to those placed over me, but it honestly is only temporary. In so doing, I will not be understood, but yesterday a song lyric attached to my heart. It said that Jesus was a man least understood. And we have all been asked to follow him, and by so doing we ought to expect to rarely be understood. Being understood does not make a thing right or wrong.

Ha ha ha. Yesterday, Joseph told me that I should not chose the left, that is bad. I should always choose the right. It is along those lines that I am drawn to conclude. I believe that he has been sufficiently given the way to choose what is right for him to become in body who he is in spirit. All of my children are obviously incredible  spirit children of great promise, old souls with vast potential. It is when I contemplate the eternity that sadly I feel like my path is clear, but it must lie ahead still for try as I do, I cannot even choose the left if I wanted to...

Agency is one of the most significant gifts. It was pointed out to me, yesterday, that we do not have agency given to us so that we can chose what we want, but so we can chose what is best. Often, the correct choices lead us to more trials, and that is how it should be. It does not mean because it was hard that it was wrong. But, it allows us a change to prove to God and ourselves that we will Infact seek what we ought to do and choose the right.

Ugh, I just realized that I did not make the point that I intended. It was that things are more clear to us if we speak them or in this case write them. It is in submitting our thoughts to the scrutiny of others that we become more solidified. Sort of like the enemy of my enemy is my friend. How so? Well, if you are sure of a thought enough to put it out there, then you must embrace it and be willing to defend it.

My philosophy professor asked me after class once if I was a philosophy major. I told him that I was just Mormon. He was obviously confused. So, I explained that in a highly anti-Mormon place like this I had to know what I believed and why is all.