I see others writing wonderful blog posts that help improve the quality of life for others and I sincerely want to help. I believe the most helpful person helps themself first, and that was,my intent, after I secured my oxygen mask I would help others, sort of thing, but I feel like the little snail climbing up the side of the well. I go up a scoot but then down and I am not sure of the amount of progress if any, it is like watching a baby grow it happens, but we never see it happening.
I have no doubt that the babies,need me more desperately then the older children, but I know that if I am,not a devoted part of their life I will regret it. It is difficult. I know Joe and Mary require me to stay alive, and the other children have a need beyond that.
Urrrgh! I do believe that if there is an answer then God would have it,and he really will give as need arises. I need help. I want to do the best thing, but do not KNOW completely what that is.
(Note:another note written in Feb. 2013 and published now)
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