diversity of inheritance

I am free today to do as I please, because I stayed awake from 1:30 to 6:30 doing all the things I needed to accomplish for the day. So, I find I am spending alot of my time writing blog posts. This is not what I would answer if asked what I would spend my daughter doing if I could do anything, yet, here I am.

As I was pondering how incredibly diverse I am as far as inherited ethnicities go. I am Norwegian, Scottish, Irish, and German, and as I uncovered more I find that I am descended from many Dutch, and Native tribes. One such discovery today from a DNA match led me to Palmyra, NY. So, I thought. Ah hah! That's how I am related so closely to Joseph Smith, but instead I found early settlers were not from Englad, but Holland and Germany, and when they married into a tribe, I become a benefactor if all who proceeded them. So, out of curiosity I watched a video about these early natives, like those I found previously, they were Mohican, or specifically Algonquin. The one tribe in a video about a 1st person diary entry mentioned how they were beautiful, tall and fair people. Ofcourse, my first thought was that it was more of that funeral evidence, meaning, everyone is praised after they are dead no matter how terrible they were. But, as a teen someone said that the Irish people were taller, and more beautiful than other people's, that stuck, then it occurred to me that somehow I managed to strike the DNA jackpot. And I got the most beautiful traits from each ethnicity. My friend Matt's father upon meeting me the first time commented on my skin color. I recall because it was so extremely weird. I notice it at church with the florescent lighting how different my coloring is from others I see. One time I was embarrassed that I had too much makeup on and niw appeared as fair as everyone else. Another woman commented on what a pretty shade my skin was. Embarrassed I told her that was all makeup. 

But, It makes sense with the notion that these are the latter-days. Now, I have more options from which to create my person. I often note though that although my DNA must be mine (I used to think my results got mixed with someone else's) because I am definitely a child of my parents and sibling of my sister, yet they typical genetic distances recorded to indicate certain relationships are usually off by a few generations. Like I chose my DNA generations before I was born or something. Then it clicked, I probably used a hybrid of all the best parts and then altered a few to insure my body would be the loveliest. Trouble is, I think what was lovely to me then is not what is lovely to me now. But, it is still comforting to think that what I am is beautiful by some standard. Soon, both kids will be home, time to set out treats! Happy thinking!!!

Boiling point

 I started originally with a gripe. And decided otherwise. I have decided among many important things that we live infamily units so that we can learn to be the sort of being that will belong in a family unit. When you love someone and place them above yourself, and they place you above themselves, it works perfectly! We call that marriage, add children... tah day, it's a family.

When a man sets himself first, he teaches that is what he expects others to do. So, recently, I was told that my husband would likely help me - if I ask, but I ought not just expect him to help. Really? So, what that says to me is that if I want something I should go get it for myself. Hmmmm. I wonder how that would work if I did that with um, let's say dinner. I have already stopped trying to take care of his messes and it is driving me crazy. He just does not mind living in disorder and filth. Obviously, by this post, one can tell that I cannot stand it. But, I would be happy to help if he asked...oh this is just ridiculous!

While I am venting, what's up with men and their devices? And can they actually even do a thing when their kids turn to burrowing their faces in their electronics? Reminds me of that song, "...you know I'm gonna be like you, dad..just like you."

history

I have been fascinated with history. I even fancied my husband, Brandall, was suited to be a history professor and then the show "Falling Skies" glamorized being a history professor and quite often the past was used to understand the present and even conjecture the future. I see it always in the news and wonder hasn't history taught us anything? I conclude, "Probably not." truth is history, though it ought to have been so exciting, as Netflix demonstrates, but it was recalled to the minds of would be bright young mind, as boring and dull, and nearly impossible to make sense of and certainly not want to. hence, my generation has learned through historical fiction.

To be fair, what history is not some sort of fancy. I recall a great line from a documentary about retracing the steps of the Exodus of the Hebrew Slaves from Egypt and how practically no evidence remains to support the tradition. "It is not factual, but true". I love that. truth can be gained as much if not more from historical fiction as from plain fiction, which will become historical eventually.

I was watching pure fantasy about kingdoms and kings, and thought, I can see how this appeals to the English people as it is their cultural heritage. In fact, I could see homes, garb and landscapes often described or shown in documentaries. I further thought about ab recent party where I sat next to a woman who expressed her fascination with queen kings, etc. and it was likely due to her family heritage. I entirely agreed!

but, today, as I watched I thought, how do I know that I have any claim to this British history, rather what is it to be American? Surely that is not my heritage. I thought how sad it is to be American only with no origin elsewhere. Likewise, I am sure the British all came from somewhere, too.

cue Family History. ever seen relative race? hmmm. I wonder, my research indicates that I am directly descended from King Herod, who was a descendant of Esau, the son of Isaac, son of Abraham, who came our of Ur, the son of Terah. What does this mean for me to think about and consider? What about it is true whether factual or not?

something funny

In private conversations, both children have expressed that they do not like my sense of humor. However; I find it very funny. when debating about whether a plant needed sunlight or not my husband quoted the internet as his source.

I remember that funny commercial on TV or I'm not sure where it was. The commercial featured a very ugly guy walking around with this really cute girl and she asked her friends would you like to meet my boyfriend he's French. I know that's true because I read it on the internet.

Years later - diagnosis

social pragmatic communication disorder, which has some symptoms that overlap with Asperger's. Doctors use it to describe people who have trouble talking and writing, but have normal intelligence.

My last doctor who was admittedly a specialist working with young children. Was baffled that I did not test positive for ADHD/ADD. but, I almost laughed.surely most could tell what answers one ought to answer to get a certain diagnostic. Like my first mental therapist who asked if I heard voices. I tried not to laugh. Would someone who heard voices actually admit to that? I did not, the thing I did incorrectly was obey an instruction. But, even now I get frusturated and feel like he was perhaps not as precise. He told me to fold a sheet of paper in half. I folded it lengthwise, cause I assumed we were going to be making columns of lists. But He got upset and said here, I'll do it. So, about the child psychologist I asked him merely to explain what a drug was going to do chemically before I consumed it. So, he changed my prescription because I did not have the problem the first drug would alter. And later, when my mom told him about a thing I had done which was very uncharacteristic I heard him say that perhaps I was sociopathic. Ok? I did not know what that meant, but I took it home and tried it on. It explained (excused) some behavior, but did not explain my extreme sense of empathy.

About a year ago, I heard someone speak about autism being a diagnosis merely to define a different way of seeing things. I studied a whole lot and even developed a grand conspiracy theory of others diagnosing me as such. I would not agree. I know others who have been diagnosed as being on the spectrum and I was nothing like them. I was normal and quirky. Sure, I did not see things like others but This was not a thing to define or label me. I was allowed to live at this time for a purpose, being understood was just not one of them. But really. I get so extremely tired of living. I just cannot find where I belong. Surely, the thing I ought to gain from this life is a family and how to live in a home. Then, randomly I watched a video on high functioning autism and was like BINGO on every bit not just parts. So, I have a diagnosis.

Just found this and wanted to add it:
social pragmatic communication disorder, which has some symptoms that overlap with Asperger's. Doctors use it to describe people who have trouble talking and writing, but have normal intelligence.

https://youtu.be/nK2DlLmVc20

Ocassionally, strike that, make it rarely

I regain perspective where I see my real place and I am humbled and apologetic for being so presumptuous or pretentious in my communucations.

But, most of the time I am an earthling doing things one does never considering any other possibility. Like an infant never sees parents and care givers as potential peers.

I think of the notion of a dying Beethoven shaking his fist at God, and every one who considers this act thinks, "well, surely he does not know what he is doing." Let us not for even a moment entertain the idea that he is truly brilliant.

I scurry like a cautious spider. You scare me.

Sorry if I wonder

But...

I cannot help but keep coming back to the idea of reincarnation, but not in the way I have been taught like a close relative possibly being a cow or spider or something. But, I know what I know so it must fit with that (like a side length in a triangle that I already know the angles to) to be true. It feels like a tangent when I hear about it from other's lips, but the idea lingers about me waiting patiently for me to find the truth of it, but it is not something I ought to share or muse over publically.

I was listening to documentaries about (speculations) very distantly past times and rulers, and in it experts said that the stories were alot like Instagram feeds in that there is truth to them but it is not as easy to see and are likely colored by the agendas that birthed them.