conclusion on weight journey

This morning, it occurred to me as I weighed myself, realizing it might not be accurate, I was already prepared for any result, so when my accumulative weight loss over the weekend was less than a pound I was not upset. Infact, I came to the following conclusion:

True, I had gained weight and typically, when I start a true fasting regime my weight loss is fast and dramatic, but even then I conclude that weight truly does not matter, much like my glucose levels they require an explination, but ultimately are not at all to do with what it is I want. So, what do I want? I used to think it was that I wanted to be skinnier, but, what I want is to look good, and any size or shape can be "bejeweled", it is the constant up and down that drives me crazy. I have chosen a different path, one that Although not tauting dramatic weightloss, it promises a healthier, constant me. I do not need to fit into my old clothes, but if I get new favorites, I do not want them to change.

So, I will not set off to totally toss and rebuild my wardrobe until I stabilize, and I am happy about weight loss, and it not being dramatic, nor was it a difficult fast, plus, I got to eat normally at my parents house, and still be relatively the same!! It was a good week so far. I came to terms with the big mistakes that I was making and rectified them, so it was not a big change, but one that will, over time, cause the sort of change in appearance that I am looking for. It was so eye opening to me to see how my glucose levels spiked and we're their highest right after I at "healthy" food typically recommended for weight loss, and it read high even after I had fasted for 24 plus hours. I did not feel hungry or tired, but what was the coolest thing to see is how it naturally snapped back to a "baseline" almost instantly after hitting a high, only about 4 hours later it was practically low. So, kniwing how good my body is at establishing patterns, I am going to work with that and confuse it and than set a new cycle, meaning, I was eating at the wrong times and that made more of a difference than WHAT I ate.

A take a way is that I need to not choose one particular diet plan to stick to, or any particular food as my "safe" food. No such thing. It matters more about protein and maintaining energy that burning of calories. 

Jesus Wept

It has always tugged at my thoughts,  sort of like a child and you know they are speaking to you, and want your attention, but you always mean to find out what they want later, but they will not relent until they capture your attention... so, I gave it today.  

Jesus cried when his friend died. That's odd, nicht wahr? But, in that passage he explains what makes him cry. It is his purpose to testify of the father, not necessarily to go around flexing his power.. I mean, just think of all the restrain he needed to exercise, but in this moment, he was able to use that power to do something that he sort of selfishly wanted, his purpose and his will lined up!!! His father was going to let him show his great power in doing something that would have been impossible to men otherwise.

Speaking of miracles, I was thinking about Moses, but more specifically how Alma was asking the people if they could recall all of the miracles in their lives, like Nephi being commanded to get the plates, but then Laban saying "no" and actually trying to steal everything he had and kill him. Or, like Moses leading the Children of Isreal out of Egypt, right to the Red Sea. Where they were sure to perish. But, an episode of the chosen, Dallas Jenkins talked about asking to use a set and having all of the actors and crew ready to start, but then though it was considered a sure thing they were told no, and he was wondering what on earth he was going to do. His wife said it was a red sea moment... and this week as I started reading about Alma, and how he was sent to go do things that seemed hard to impossible, no no, side track... it was when he was asking the people to remember the miracles that had happened. And it occurred to me that he was so right. If I knew one thing was true it snowballs into everything. So, Although I could reason myself silly and still know nothing, then I thought of the Cookville miracle (a movie based on a real event). That actually happened. So everything else had to also be true. So, back to the Red Sea. I had a certain idea that seemed as impossible as someone being dead for over 3 days. A thing happened that is like pass the point of no return, a thing I believed had to be accepted as impossible, but it occurred to me that maybe to truly have something it had to be impossible any other way and that was why Jesus Wept, it was not in morning, but perfect happiness as he realized that he was going to be allowed to use his Father's power and others would then be unavoidable able to know of his power... so, I can be happy when things seem to fail and need Heaven's aid, cause it will be there, just like it was in Cookeville, Wyoming.

another demension

Just had this thought. I thought there was a light coming from outside, then I realized that I was seeing a reflection of the lamp through the curtains,  and yesterday I had watched a video about tesseract by Carl Sagan... it made me think also about, no not avengers, the movie Interstellar, and people always talk as if time was the fourth dimension, end of discussion. But, for some reason that, though nearly impossible to even imagine, much as up and down concepts would seem to a 2D being, time seems feasible, but the are sort of like the empowers new clothes, or any propagated (thus provable) lie. Instead, I understood it as being speed. Like the representation of a 3D cube on 2D we use acceleration in many of our 3D equations, but the truly interesting part of this notion was that often in scripture reference is made to a spiritual plane being at the same coordinates as the ones that we occupy only at death spirits are "quickened".

For me to contemplate further, if one can take knowledge with then, in fact according to the logic of Renée Descartes we are our knowledge,  then though we are dimensionality separated each one of us who are alive will one day be quickened, and though we cannot communicate with love ones who are still alive, like Jacob Marley did for Ebenezer Scrooge, we can prove to ourselves the truths we failed to believe or hopefully, only tried to believe. And, then we can still repent and be joined with our Heavenly Father. It seems to me the only way one could truly deny the things we know to be true...

strength

It occurred to me after pondering purposefully, though, it seems one of those ideas grouped with that innate sensibility usually termed "common".

I was thinking about how most people when exposed to such ideas fail, and that should have been evidenced by the evidence of lives lost through exposure by means of conversation.

I seriously had never even thought of my ideas needing strength to bear, until I thought about Frodo Baggins and Sam wise in particular the time (3rd movie Return of the King)When Sam tries to offer assistance to Frodo asking to " Share the load." By really, the load was too toxin to be carried or shared with others regardless how much they understood or merely wanted to help.

We all have secrets, but I didn't. That is what my problem was. Perhaps, I ought to have. I try to convince myself that salvation is personal, and I am not responsible for the choices of others. But a choice is only as strong as the information surrounding it.

In the various "lighting" options can appear anywhere of the spectrum of Good and Evil. I was given my own intelligence, and when parts were shared with others, maybe it provided too much lighting, yet, not enough. Either way... I feel responsible for causing many a damning choice.

I arrived at this conclusion because I was reviewing a conversation I felt at liberty to have because those who could hear it were strong enough to endure and even rectify (if not given the antidote) themselves.

And that is why I ought not even post thoughts online, because here they might never truly die, giving them effect long after my death...it would be like there not even being a way for Frodo to destroy the ring, and it could resurface again when apparently forgotten.

pearl

It must be buried deep. It is hard to even tell what it is, but I need to admit the pull. I suspect I own this barren field for a reason. I always hope the next big storm will bring up a bone or something, but I suspect this secret is buried deeper and more intentionally that time could do even with brother age helping.

Line upon line, what was has already twisted beyond recognition now. What is would have never been expected nor what will be...

how Sagas remind me of the Book of Mormon

I am not even going to mention content. I was thinking about how I wanted to listen to the Sagas in old Norse even if I would not understand very much. That made me think of why I was able to understand them at all... yep. Icelandic.

The fact that there was any division among the brothers (Lamanites vs. Nephites) is because the later had a book, and that made me think about literacy. So, Iceland is very literate, why is that? It amazes me that a language would change so little, and I figure that is due to their writing system aka Runes. 6am, time to teach eager waking young minds, before the world gets a hold of them! 😀

pondering in your heart

Sometimes things we ponder are private, not secret. I am hesitant to even place this online, but I do so for the benefit of my descendents. I want them to know there is much more to me than what I write about and record. And it is these little pondering that form how I act and become. I liken this unto a fact that deeply impacted me when getting fitted for my dentures I had a tray thingy in my mouth and it sort of compensated for the teeth that I had lost. Lately I had lost and so when the tray was removed it upset me and I said such. That I felt better with that tray in my mouth. Then, he explained(not even knowing about my back aches) that a missing tooth will effect our posture, by effecting the muscles around it, and in a domino sort of way, even a back ache can be the result of a missing tooth. And so, these little thoughts effect my views and eventually my personality.

Ok, so, what I was thinking about is that when we are born we existed before. Understood. Yet, we are called children of God and he is our father and yet, we were never created, and are without begining, ok, organization and creation are not the same thing, to me. But, wait, two ideas give birth to a new one, right? And we are intelligences. Are we intellectual property of God, thereby we call him father? 

Eliza Snow wrote a hymn "Oh My Father." Where she asks if she has a Heavenly Father, doesn't she have a Heavenly Mother? So, my ultimate question/prayer has always been is he our father literally or is that just a good metaphorical title? Sort of like all of those great Father's day talks that mention how reverent the title of father is Everyone agrees (not that it makes it more true) that donating part of the building blocks or genetic material makes you worthy of the name father, so many have spoken plainly and born testimony that God is our father, what does that actually mean? Such are the things I am privately pondering this morning.