Soapbox

This or that. This obviously, no, that. Oh, I am sick to death on the temporary peace that comes when I think that I have finally decided, then some foolish,thing seems to weasel it's way into my short lived peace of mind. This goes either way. I just want to make up my mind and stick with it.

It would be so easy, and a comment on a show plays in my head: "I have no right to be anything but happy." Or when I felt the stinging barbs pricking at my peace of mind I thought, oh that is,just Satan trying to keep me,from being happy. He wants others to be miserable,like himself or just keep me from achieving anything that would make me truly happy.

Then, I started thinking well, Isn't it just me who isn't happy with this all and though I can suppress it, I cannot do so indefinitely. I will live forever.

It boils down to basically what I believe, not what actually is. I believe that there is so much good I can do and I will be an instrument for good, though I might have to be strong enough to go against what my friends and family think is Better for me. They are not me.

I believe so many quirky things that have not been documented, but enough of them have been and so I decide they all must be true. I believe the doctrine of Love is the most important and it is key to surviving mortality and paramount beyond mortal life. Mostly, I see that, and it really breaks my heart, my husband doesn't believe the same things as I do, like if something is right, do it, and if you really value it, treated it so. He constantly does things that are little, but remind me that though he speaks well, his heart is not in agreeance. I can relate to that, but I want him to change what is in his heart, whereas I want to change my mind.

We find peace when my heart alligns with his mind, but then my head hates the actions of his heart so much that I feel repulsion and disgust, then turn that disgust back on myself for disturbing the peace which would make everyone happy.

I just wonder if it is correct. When it is a matter of Joseph and Mary (my children not the parents of Jesus) then, hands Down always what is best for them always wins. But, who decides what is best?