Honestly...

What good does it do to be pretty? I cannot see anything once you attracted a desirable mate. Still, we want it so badly, but I wonder if we would want it or care if we were really content.

I was thinking about how unattractive it is to be beautiful to look on, but in constant need of reassurance.

I do not pray to appear attractive, but to be attractive. I want to not worry about how I appear at any given time, but how I feel. I look in the mirror because I want validation.  But, it is slowly fading, all of my attractiveness, that is. Or at least how I look, I hope to only increase in desriable qualities as I grow older.

Beyond depression

It was clear that there is a great truth hidden in shark DNA and skeletal remains, but that does not matter to me, nothing does, well, that's not true, entirely, and because a tiny fragment of hope remains, I continue. But, this is beyond depression. It is not at all chemical, it is not just mental nor emotional, but it is best seen in an episode of "Once Upon a Time" where Snow White touches a unicorn horn and sees her unborn child as an older girl who is going to kill her and Snow cried out, I am your mother! To which she captures the sentiment exactly and replies, "It doesn't matter." or something that means that it does not hold the importance it should.

I just do not want to try anymore. My strength just doesn't matter, I do not care to try, though I should. It has been called drpression, but this is not that. It is beyond depression.